Ok. Well, yeah, I've been missing in action for the past couple of days, but really, there was no need for you to seek solace in drugs or alcohol or barnyard animal sex. Really.
Anyway. Listen, I can explain my absence, really I can. It's like this. I'm pretty sure I was taken hostage by Mai Mai rebels in the Congo. Again. I mean, it's definitely either that or I recently became Mrs. Alice Cooper and have been in Arizona on my honeymoon. Or I was incarcerated for taking obscene photos of my mailman. Or I was incarcerated for drugging and tying up my mailman so I could take the aforementioned photographs. Or maybe I just decided to devote my life to ice skating and spent the last 14 days trying out for The Special Olympics Disney On Ice.
Is it so hard for you people to believe that I might have been recording an album of romantic duets and Air Supply covers with 50 Cent? Fiddy frowns on blogging, you know. I suggested he start a blog, but when I told him guns weren't involved he asked if we could just get back to singing "Making Love Out of Nothing At All". So we did.
Hey. Did I mention I have nothing to say? Because I don't. Clearly. You see I've been working on getting my affairs in order and suchlike. Since this IS my final year of college I figured I might as well do things right for a change. However, things have not quite been going my way, I missed a few deadlines and well, there's a whole bunch of other administration I should really get sorted and now I have to go write out my wedding gift thank you cards (oh, you didn't send a gift? Nice, real nice. I'll remember that. And so will Alice. And also, Alice says to tell you that people GO TO HELL for lesser things! and you KNOW he KNOWS), pick up trash along the highway as part of my community service (definitely worth it for those nude mailman photos, let me tell you)...
But instead I decided to put on my new swim goggles (they're pink and sparkly!) in the bathtub and pretend I'm deep sea diving.
I know, I MUST remember to start taking my meds again. Immediately. The green ones. We don't want any more incidents like this now, do we?
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