Hell begins when the buzz wears off.

Remember when I was worried about my life resembling an episode of "The Mole" gone awry? I think I was wrong (You won't hear that very often, so soak it up while you can). I think in reality it's much bigger than that. I think I am a pawn in a board game.

Bear with me here.

I'm not a pawn in just any old board game either. I am a pawn in “Candy Land”. Only this is the ghetto version (hey, they have it for monopoly, why not Candy Land?). So I'm the gingerbread pawn and someone out there in the "real" world is moving me around. It goes a little something like this: He/She picks the right card and I walk with out falling flat on my face/have a good hair day/find my Flaming Lips CD/etc. Then there's always the "Oops, landed on the wrong square, Mailman takes out a restraining order on you" move. Never a good thing.

Anyway. I can't remember if I was ever going somewhere with this. I think I have ADD. So feel free to call in with your 'I like my mom too much/I like to have sex with barnyard animals/I kill people and then steal their shoes/I can only speak if I'm reciting Austin Powers/I get turned on by lamps' questions and we’ll get help together. Unless you fall into the last category. Then there's just no help for you.