Which is why I have this black eye

I know it's been about a whole month since I last posted, I know because my peeps keep telling me so, and about a billion people have de-linked me (oh The Horror! Cry for me Argentina!), but you know what they say, when someone doesn't blog for a month it's because he/she found God, got hit by a bus, caught Lyme disease, and/or had a psychotic breakdown.

I have to tell you, for a while there I was certain all the forces of evil were working against me. I mean, how many spilled cups of coffee can I take and how many pages can a person write, before they go completely coocoo and move to Chechnya to make wooden dolls or learn the Mail Order Bride business? (I know what you are thinking, that is why I added the word “completely”, see?)

Either way, back to my point, (I knew someday I would get to it! After all, it was only a matter of time), Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder. Well. My heart is fonder anyway. And Bob. A fitting replacement for the Mailman, but also the man who has been "fixing" my dryer for over a month now and who for some reason can only come over to do it in the middle of the night when I am scantily clad and who says things like "That burning smell, it's ok". So, I'm pretty sure he's feeling fonder, too.

As for the other two of you who still read this, don't make me come to your house with a box of Rice-a-Roni, a plastic spatula, and a wooden spoon, because it won't be pretty.

There wil be no peeing in this post

I AM NOT DEAD.


Obviously.


But then again, I am not well either.
Blame it on the purchasing and the subsequent eating of quite a respectable amount of Oreos lately, if you will.

You know, the ones that look like they might be The Devil's Oreos, but are marketed as just plain "with the creme in the middle" Oreos.

It's gotten so bad that the cashier at the supermarket is starting to give me The Raised Eyebrow when ringing them up for me so I felt the need to explain myself. "I've been feeling kind of weird since it started raining like this. I don't know why I bought these. I don't even like Oreos... Oh your dad works for Oreo? I didn't mean that these weren't yummy. I meant, ummm, have you seen the rain?" And then I realized she hadn't been raising her eyebrow at me, her eyebrow was stuck that way and I had entered the Twilight Oreo Zone and I ran, ran, ran, as fast as my little Moon Boots would take me.


But really it's the thesis of hell that's killing me. Softly. With his words. And since my deadline is the 31st and the damn thing isn't nearly done, I've confined myself to the house. Something I should've done way sooner, but as you know even my cats have more self restraint than I do. Except when under the influence of Cat Nip. Them, not me, I mean. I'm trying to cut back on that myself. I can't deal with the blackouts and flashbacks.