An interesting fact about salad dressing

We need to talk. There are some things you should know.


I wasn't really working late that time I told you I was. I was really out free-basing Reese's peanut butter cups, dancing to "We Built This City" by Starship, and then I took the midnight train going anywhere.

One more thing. "The Tale of Cross-eyed Lefty from Tula and the Steel Flea" isn't really my favorite book, nor is Leskov my favorite writer. I suspect you already knew this, seeing how you've seen my "Hooked on Phonics" books lying around and know I can't really read. My therapist says I need to keep everything out in the open though, so I had to come clean. Either way, it’s not a LIE per se. I personally blame Amazon.com, who still have not delivered my copy of said book, so really, when you think about it, it might still turn out to be my favorite book. Amazon.com is now on my list of companies to take over and DESTROY when I become one of those people that do hostile takeovers.

I know you are doubting me, but you will see (and if you work for Amazon.com you will do more than see, you will beg and plead with me on your KNEES for your job...too bad for you I think Amazon.com employees are faceless robots designed to rid the planet of mankind and thus I can't take pity on you. Or your robot wife at home with 7 robot baby mouths to feed, so spare me the sob story).

Hmm, (scratches non-existent beard) I think I may have gotten a little carried away there. Hmm. Maybe Amazon.com is not to blame here (however unlikely that sounds) Maybe all of this was, once again, the work of the MOLE. 

Does anyone else suspect that their life is actually an episode of “The Mole” gone awry? Or is it just me?

You want more proof? Fine! I fell while walking out of the grocery store today. One could say I was wearing shoes that were too high. One could say that I am lacking in the graceful department. One would be right, only not. It simply reeks of MOLE, it does.

If they did a "The Mole: On Crack" I would be the mole. But I'm not the mole here, at least I don't think I am. But then again, maybe I'm just THAT GOOD.

Periwinkle fenugreek

By now you may have heard the rumors of what I’ve REALLY been doing for the past couple of months. No, not the ones about me and the guys from Sunset Tan. And no, not the ones about me cloning Lucky (of Lucky Charms fame). Those have all been grossly exaggerated.

I'll give you a hint. It's not Guam, and it didn't involve a giant flying dog, some quicksand, or a horse.

It did involve a big tree, lots of naps, and mittens.
Isn't life grand?

Well it was anyway, until I found out my darling Mailman has been fucking my chiropractor for the past couple of months, which has made me become extremely paranoid and occasionaly even a little violent, in the doing kung-fu on my friends, neighbors, and cats kinda way.
Example: I'm in Fnac, flipping through books (ok, so they were picture books). My spidey-sense is tingling. I keep moving my eyes from side to side to see if anyone is lurking about, waiting to take me down. Then I get dizzy from doing this and stop. A man approaches and stands behind me. It's all I can do to not flip him over my shoulder and onto his back. What stops me? I'm not physically capable of doing that. And he works there. So yeah. I need help.

Looking on the bright side though, I think I am now ready to join the CIA. I'm quite sure I fit the profile. I think I saw an ad in the local newspaper the other day - "CIA seeking crazy girl who can't keep a secret to save her life, no experience necessary". Although, I WOULD need to put a post-it on my mirror/door/forehead reminding me when I do join the CIA not to tell anyone, unless I want them to be murdered, otherwise I just might forget. Hmmm. Anyone reading this might have to be killed, too. I'm sure you understand, I can't have you blowing my cover and all. Ooh, and exercise, I'm pretty sure I'd need to start exercising.

Oh, well, there's allways next year.