"You seem so distant lately."
Yeah, I do. It's because I'm plotting to kill myself, just so I won't have to leave on Sunday.
Also, besides the whole plotting my own death thing, I've become obsessed with finding the perfect vacuum cleaner. Because I just know that having the right vacuum cleaner will make everything in my life sunshiny and cotton candy-y and rainbow in every room-y. Not to mention less cat hair-y, because my current Vacuum (they don't call it a Dirt DEVIL for nothing) just stares mockingly at me when I ask it to please suck up some of the fur clumps that have accumulated on my carpet before I wake up in the middle of the night and become convinced my cats are multiplying even though as a precaution I stopped feeding them after midnight months ago and I never, ever get them wet. And no, I do not think I'm getting carried away.
Why do you think there are serial killers in this world? Because their parents didn't love them enough? Their schoolmates picked on them for having big ears and little feet? Please. No. They didn't have a Hoover SteamVac. I'm telling you, if I had paid any attention in that statistics class in college I could so map out the correlation between Hoover SteamVacs and Serial Killers right now, and you would be weeping into your nachos, you'd be so impressed.
I haven't slept in a billion and one days because of all the planning and careful consideration that goes into deciding what clothes I will and will not take with me on my South African Adventure... so now I must go freebase mass amounts of Salada Comfortime tea and hope it aids in my drifting off into a lovely Monchichi dream filled sleep and not just excessive bleeding out of my ears/nose/bone marrow/baby toe.
